Why women (and men!) avoid association with the word “feminist”

in a nutshell.  At the feminist (among other things) blog Reclusive Leftist, a man dared to speak:

datechguy says:

  • Although I of course disagree with you on the Abortion issues you have a great point.For a long time you were warning people on the left that the only principle of the Obama administration was the glorification of the one and the destruction of those who stood in his way.The irony that people on your side had been warned from within and are only now figuring it out is frightening.Again I’m not with you on either issue but I hate to see people being played for suckers, it just isn’t right, much better a forthright foe who you can debate with.I have to say I admire you Violet, I say you are wrong but you are no sucker and you refuse to play the sucker. That makes you worthy of respect and your blog worthy of my time.November 12th, 2009 at 7:53 am EST
  • tinfoil hattie says:
    Oooooh, lookie! Violet’s blog meets with a dude’s approval! Even a woman-hating dude! Wow – you now have it made. Dude is going to keep visiting, because you are “worthy” of his respect!Wow. From way up on high there. If it were my blog I’d be just swooooooning.November 12th, 2009 at 8:28 am EST
  • RKMK says:
    Violet’s blog meets with a dude’s approval! A dude who not only approves, but likes to emphasize how much that approval mean by reminding us how morally superior he is to the baby-killing feminists in every thread!November 12th, 2009 at 11:11 am EST
  • There is literally nothing that datechguy could have done here that would not have been objectionable in the eyes of these commentators.  Nothing.  He pays the writer a complement; they take it as an insult.  If he had said she was a lousy blogger, would they have been happy?  He respectfully disagrees, but says nothing about morality, and they take it as an assertion of superiority.  (Makes you wonder how confident they actually are in their ability to be equals, doesn’t it?)

    Here’s the thing, Angry Feminists: Many of us women, who highly value our freedoms, our abilities, our intelligence, and our status as equals to men do have men in our lives that we like and respect.  We have men in our lives who we want the approval of, because we like and respect them.  Many of us have men who make our lives better by being a part of them, who we are grateful to share our lives with.   Comments like this show that the commenter has no respect for ANY male, which means that they have no respect for my husband, my father, my brothers, my potential future sons.  Which means they have no respect for me. 

    Those of us who are so blessed want nothing to do with sexist fools who would disparage all men simply for being male.  And we don’t dare be confused for these people who wear the banner of “feminists.”

    Update: Ace of Spades has a somewhat related discussion here (scroll down to the bolded “Actually”). 

    There is a lot of very unpleasant overcompensation among feminist thinkers, where it often suggested that “equality” means, somehow, utter dominance and total lack of any interest in compromise and give-and-take. That every compromise or gesture towards comity is somehow a betrayal of one’s womanhood. That strict mercenary self-interest in all things is somehow elevated to a virtue, and any deviation from that, a sign of weakness.

    Again: I don’t understand why the feminist ideal should be acting like a total douchebag about everything.

    Neither do a lot of us, Ace.  And that’s why we reject it.